Sunday, November 17, 2019

Everyday, Day 27: Mascot

So, I'm alone with my thoughts, and while talking to people, I realize I have this really frustrating quirk--thinking the best of people (or interpreting folks' behavior in the best light) when there's no real proof that there's anything there.

So I did some soul-searching. And I drew a comic about it. Because of course, it's me, why wouldn't I?

Anyway, do I really think people feel this way about me? No. In a logical, outside-my-own-anxiety-and-depression way, I know that people don't feel this way about me. However, the depression and anxiety mix that I get sometimes creeps on like a voice, that shadows everything in this ... disgusting pallor, And in that light, it definitely feels that way. I have to consciously spend time making sure I combat that as much as possible when this voice gets louder than normal.

Anyway, so. I guess my "thinking the best of people even when I shouldn't" or "always looking for the silver lining" or "always trying to find a different interpretation of other folks' behavior" thing... Is a defense mechanism. 

Not the worst one to have, but definitely annoying when people are certain about things, and I try to offer alternatives. 

So to those who I annoy-the-hell-out-of by being this way, I apologize. 

And I promise this isn't a fishing expedition. It's just been on my mind, in a "why am I the way that I am" kind of way. 

Edit1: Changed some words around since I ___ a word and for readability